Letting Go

As we enter into the season of joy and light, I am reminded that for many people it is also a season of loss and regret.

As I write this I’m not trying to address the seriousness of losing a loved one or a serious setback. Rather, as the title suggests, I’m writing about learning to detach or “let go” of the many expectations, and resulting disappointments, that the holidays stir up in us.

I remember a lecture I attended by Ken Moses, PhD. Ken is exceptionally warm and engaging and through a variety of personal circumstances devoted his entire practice to helping people move through grief.  He talked about it as the process of “detaching” from a dream or vision of your life in order to create space for a new beginning.

Those “unmet” expectations could be something as simple as your teenage son showing up for a favorite holiday party in ripped up blue jeans instead of the expected blue blazer, the moment your child debunks Santa Claus or something more challenging like a relative who always creates drama around an annual holiday get together. And while none of these events are catastrophic, and are often humorous in retrospect, at that moment your disappointment about the situation or event can elicit a real sense of sadness that creates a cloud over the holidays.

So I asked my friend and acupuncturist, Jana Bricker, to share her Eastern perspective of grief as it relates to “letting go” as well as share a practical breathing exercise to help us move through the holidays with a sense of lightness.

Jana’s narrative

In nature, Autumn marks the end of the growing season. Leaves turn color and drop. The old leaves go back to the earth, enriching it to promote the coming of new leaves.  Nature instructs us about our own cycles of creating and letting go: Trees in autumn don’t stubbornly hold onto their leaves because they might need them next year.  We must let go in order to make space for new beginnings.  The energy of this season, more than any other, supports our letting go of what is no longer needed.  This can be the letting go of material items that are no longer useful or ideas that are no longer serving us.

In Chinese medicine, grief is the emotion associated with Autumn, and the Lungs are the primary channel / organ of the season. When the energy of the Lungs is blocked or imbalanced within us, our expression of grief likewise becomes imbalanced and inappropriate. If the Lung channel (or organ) was weak or imbalanced to begin with, it may affect the person’s ability to effectively grieve. Likewise, the sudden loss of a loved one, a job, a marriage, or a way of life, may damage the Lung channel (or organ).  Either may cause the grieving process to become excessive and “stuck”. Or, in the other extreme, it may be absent, as in those who cannot express their grief and therefore cannot truly pass through it.

Grief is often a painful and sometimes devastating process. This process might take days or years, but should remain a process.  As the Chinese proverb says, “We can’t stop the birds from flying over our heads, but we can stop them from nesting in our hair.” It is an often slow journey toward acceptance and peace. In Chinese medicine, we become concerned when the process becomes “stuck” within an individual. The only way to overcome something is to pass through it, and once one passes some undetermined point in the grieving process, he/she feels lighter and more able to allow for new people and experiences.  

One of the best ways to ensure that this occurs is through meditation and breath. Conscious breathing helps to nourish the Lungs. Spending two minutes or two hours watching the breath can make you feel more relaxed, lighter, and more open to new experiences.  It seems to create more “space” in your life.

My favorite “pranayama” (Sanskrit for breath control technique) is alternate nostril breathing. It is a technique that helps to calm the mind by releasing accumulated tension and fatigue. Instructions and more information for practice can be found at http://thehealthylivinglounge.com/2009/06/16/12-great-reasons-to-start-alternate-nostril-breathing-today/.

So as we all get ready to enjoy the many ups and downs the holiday season brings I’m inviting all of you to practice pranayama. You might find a window in the car pool line or during your morning commute to “let go” and “breathe in” new energy allowing you the space to celebrate the many blessings in your life.

Wishing all of you much joy and look forward to reconnecting in the New Year!

Warmly-

Meg & Jane

Author’s note:

We hope you enjoy original holiday recipes this month. We begin local, in Chicago and follow Jane on her travels to the UK!

Zen Moment

“All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.”

-Havelock Ellis